1) Math class for 5th graders:

First day of class, math teacher wanted to quiz his students before starting the new math season.

Teacher: “Johnny, if I have 3 empty wine bottles in my right hand and 4 empty beer bottles in my left hand. Tell me what I have.”

Johnny: “Sir, I think you have a drinking problem.”

3) Drunk and an Officer:

A drunken man with a bottle of wine in the hand, was in the middle of the street and one foot stuck in the gutter.

The Officer: "I have to take you in, sir. You're obviously drunk."

The Drunk: "Off-licer, yee sure I am drunk?"

The Officer: "Yes, I'm sure, let's go."

The Drunk: “Thank God! I thought I was a cripple."

5) A Drunk Driver and an Officer:

A man was driving and drinking from a bottle, when he was stopped by a traffic cop.

The Cop: “What is in that Bottle?”

The man: “Plain water, officer.”

The Cop pulls and sniffs the bottle, and says, "This is not water, it is wine!”

The man raises his hands and looks up, and says in loud voice, “THANK YOU JESUS, YOU'VE DONE YOUR MIRACLE AGAIN.”

7) Wine bottle and a drunk on a bicycle:

A man using his bicycle goes to the wine store and buys a bottle of wine.

As he leaves the store, he says “What if, I fall off the bike and break the bottle of wine.”

Then, he says “Maybe it will be safer, if I drink the wine, and then ride the bike home.”

So he drinks the whole bottle of wine, and starts cycling back home. He arrives home all bruised.

Fully drunk and talking to himself, he says, “I made a wise decision today. My wine bottle would have broken, with so many falls off the bicycle!”

9) A sign from God and a bottle of Wine:

A rabbi and a priest get into a car accident. Both cars are very badly damaged. But, they come out of the cars without a scratch.

The Priest says, “It must be a sign from God. We both are alive and well.”

The Rabbi says, “Look at this, my kosher bottle of red wine did not break.”

The Priest says, “Another sign from God, that we should drink and celebrate.”

The Rabbi uncorks the bottle and gives it to the Priest, and says “You first.”

The Priest quickly grabs the bottle of wine and takes a couple of long sips.

The Priest says, “Here drink and enjoy."

The Rabbi replies, "No thanks, I think I'll wait for the police to arrive!"